Meno-Essentials

There are over 16 million sites dedicated the M issue on Yahoo alone. I didn't get through them all but there were some funky statistics I came across:
1. September is a Menopause Awareness Month! Had I not gone through some obscure websites, I surely would have heard about it on the radio, or the Channel 4 Morning News, right?
2. Things that could trigger early menopause:
a. Smoking (anything we haven't blamed on it?)
b. Vegetarian (don't they suffer enough already?)
c. Very thin athletes - That Would Be ME! (And here I thought I was making
myself stronger and healthier!)
d. Fashion-model thin (who did the study - a fat woman???)
e. Anorexic or bulimic (I didn't know they HAD menstruation in the first
place)
f. Never had children (Nuns?)
g. African-American origin (higher breast cancer risk, higher heart attack
risk, and now this too?)
h. Mediterranean or So. European origin (at least their skin is safe from
cancer! BTW, my mother had hers in her late 50's)
i. Poor (Wow! Damn those rich!)
j. Overweight (we live in a vain society - EVERYBODY is overweight!)
Etc., etc., etc., etc.

The way I see it, you fall into at least on of these categories, which you'll blame for the onset of your new M condition. And no matter what you call it: "The new beginning", "The Change", "The Third Age" (this one is my favorite) - it sucks! It really does! Personally, I refer to myself as a dried-up leaf.
Please, share some good names with me. :-)