Which one is it, Baby, an egg or a chicken?

A new (December'10) study on young women with Premature Ovarian Insufficiency declares that women with greater tendencies for depression are more likely to suffer from POI. POI is basically a very early menopause, where ovaries simply refuse to function.
A study of Peri-menopausal women statistically proves that in the 10 years of peri-menopause, women get more and more depressed, which is closely related to the ever increasing hormonal imbalance.
There are no studies that I could dig out that link the two findings, so I wonder which one is first - depression or menopause? If I acquire a sunny outlook on life, take things easy, banish my tendency to control every aspect of my (and all my friends') life, buy a VW Bug and paint it in all colors of rainbow - would I somehow jump over this 'Enhanced' period of my life with all its side effects?

There is this jittery feel in my entire body that happens several seconds before my hot flashes. As soon as it strikes, I know it's coming, but now I am not sure which I mind more: the pins and needles or the fire and sweat.
Here is the list of things that one should consider to diminish the symptoms of menopause (as mentioned before all websites copy these from each other):
1. Stay cool. Keep your bedroom cool at night. Use fans during the day. Wear light layers of clothes with natural fibers such as cotton.
I sleep naked - environmentally sensitive, since I have less PJ's to wash.
2. Try deep, slow abdominal breathing (six to eight breaths per minute). Practice deep breathing for 15 minutes in the morning, 15 minutes in the evening and at the onset of hot flashes.
Last time I tried it I got a hot flash right in between my breath 6 and 7.
3. Exercise daily. Walking, swimming, dancing, and bicycling are all good choices.
If you know anything about me - this is the funniest advice ever!
4. Chill pillows; cooler pillows to lay head on at night might be helpful.
I had a hot flash on a ship in the middle of the day in SF Bay when the wind was blowing at 15m/h and the temps were in low 50s. No hat, no gloves, tiny sweater, shivering of cold. A cold pillow somehow feels insufficient...

All of this makes me even more depressed and now I wonder if this increased depression could potentially expedite my meno-process and I'd be over with it this much faster... Wild idea, I know, but I am desperate!

Green Eggs and Ham - The Menopause Edit

A verse came to mind the other night, as I was laying in my bed awaken yet again by 'The New Age'. The verse kept unfolding into something painfully familiar, but since my brain is fried with sleepless nights, it took me a while to remember where I'd heard it before. So here is my version of the popular poem, without its happy ending, I am afraid...

Do you like
Hot Flash and Sweats?

I do not like
Hot Flash and Sweats.

Would you like them
Here or there?

I would not like them
here or there.
I would not like them
anywhere.

Would you like them
in your bed?
Would you like them
make you red?

I do not like them
in my bed.
I do not like them
make me red.
I do not like them
here or there.
I do not like them
anywhere.
I do not like Hot Flash and Sweats.
I do not like this Meno-duet!


Would you like them
on a date?
Would you like them
with a friend?

Not on a date.
Not with a friend.
Not in the bed.
Don’t make me red.
I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like Hot Flash and Sweats.
I do not like this Meno-duet!

Would you? Could you?
In a car?
Get them! Get them!
Here they are.

I would not,
could not,
in a car!

You may like them.
You will see.
You may like them
When you pee.
I would not, could not when I pee.
Not in a car! You let me be.


Say!
In the dark?
Here in the dark!
Would you, could you, in the dark?

I hate them, hate them
in the dark.

Would you, could you,
in the rain?

I would not, could not, in the rain.
Not in the dark. Not on a train,
Not in a car, Not while I pee.
I really hate them, don’t you see?
Not in my bed. Not getting red.
Not on a date. Not with a friend.
I will not have them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere!

You do not like
Hot Flash and Sweats?

I really hate this Meno-duet.

And while a full night sleep is still just a hope, I am finding a new calling - poetry!

Perimenopause, Interrupted

As fate and my body would have it, March was a strange month: I've had all of three days of something that resembled a proof of womanhood (chafing included), four full weeks of sleep, no hot flashes! I was so excited, I forgot to continue writing my blog. Maybe, I was afraid I'd spook my luck!
My stomach pains disappeared overnight and so did my muscle pains. It was a miracle! I searched in my rejuvenated mind for clues, I tried remember precisely the types of Gods I was praying to the month before (couldn't nail one, I am afraid), the supernatural ingredients in my diet (the only thing I'd added was seaweed) - anything that made this wonder happen. I found articles that claim that the miserable path to menopause can last as little as one year. I daydreamed that it would be me.
I waited. And waited. And I called it upon myself. For sure.
It came back, as swift, as taxes. And some!
I managed to discover one more symptom - the chills. Not the cold sweats that cover your body after the hot flash. These come and go as unannounced and as random. It's like jumping stark naked into ice water where not a cell in your body seems to be higher than 50F. As my hypothalamus tried to send extra signals to re-establish the temperature balance, my hormones (which I imagine as tiny mean gnomes dressed in green running up and down my blood vessels) work up another turmoil and throw my lovely me into a hot flash. Talk about a buzz kill.
My car really appreciates it when I run the heater on high followed by A/C on very high.
Well, the bright side is I had a break. AND I know that my car battery is working well.

Teeter-totter, pull-push

Have I mentioned that I hate getting old? There are several reasons:

a. Vanity - as I painfully observe myself in the mirror, I begin to reconsider my no-plastic-surgery-age-gracefully policy;
b. Pain - I am a Perpetuum Mobile of aches, numbness, needle pricks, burning, stinging, stiffness and I am sure I am forgetting something else.
c. Menopause - the hourly reminder of my overstaying my welcome in the womanhood is annoying! It's either a brain-freeze, or a hot flash or a mood swing (ooh, I've re-defined those!)

Up until 2 years ago I planned to age gracefully. I was looking at the pictures of Audrey Hepburn imagining myself entering the world of wisdom where negative emotions cease to exist due to their futility. I would come to accept the superficial changes because they would be replaced with my inner peace.

I have no idea where that bullshit idea came from but I was looking forward to it. At a MUCH later day, than my 43rd year, by the way. Say, 55ish. Just for an onset. Plenty of warning, of course, like my mind, for instance, would suddenly be full of information I'd been feeding it through all my earlier (pre-55ish) years AND I'd be able to use this information productively, to create harmony around me. OK, I didn't work out all the details, but I thought I had time!

So here I am, aging with each ache, finding new and improved reasons to despise my current hormonal state. With each new symptom I rush to the computer anxiously searching for an answer. The answer calmly smiles at me from each site I visit - Menopause.

Here are some titter-totters I've come across recently:

The latest study on my kind of people has concluded that hot flashes striking early in menopause lower risks of a heard attack. Unless you cannot take it anymore and jump from the window.

When you get tired of the night sweats, your body may take a break and break into cold chills.

In spite of lack of energy, you are supposed to exercise harder during this tender period of growth into the wisdomhood. So if you're woken up by your night sweat or a cold chill, take full advantage of your sleeplessness, get bravely out of bed and practice the Warrior Three position.

Thyroid-Shmyroid, but I am gaining weight. I wish I could say that there is more of me to love. But since I am not liking myself much these days, there is more of me to dislike.

Anxiety attacks can be relieved by sex. One site was particularly insistent and suggested frequent masturbation. My last anxiety attack was on the top of a mountain during a long hike with a bunch of friends, including some kids. Not sure how trying to hump someone (or myself) right there would have enhanced everyone else's experience.

While the hair on my head is definitely thinning and doesn't grow much, there is also less of it on my body. So I can avoid one more pain - waxing.

Babe in the Woods

I received a phone call from my GYN a few days back: 'You are going through menopause', he said cheerfully after reviewing the results of my blood test. The cheerful part was obviously to make me feel good about it. "NO! REALLY? Here I thought it was a bad case of flu. With all those immigrants climbing over the walls who knows what sorts of bugs we have these days," I said. Then he said something about me having a syndrome with a Japanese name, to which I asked if I should stop eating Japanese food. I don't think he got my jokes but he bravely suggested I re-checked my thyroid gland, as it seems to act out.

So I did. And it does. And my gyn prescribed me yet another chemical to adjust a gland that secretes hormones that normalize something or other that would make it all better. I dutifully went to my local pharmacy and picked up my prescription. I set it up on the shelf where I keep my current medications and two thoughts occurred to me:
a. I won't have space for real food in my stomach;
b. What's the connection between the hormone producing gland and my current non-flu condition?

Here are some of the more significant problems associated with hypothyroidism:
fatigue, cold intolerance, memory loss, poor concentration, depression, menstrual irregularities. Sounds familiar, I thought, I wish my memory would work better. Wait a minute! Aren't these the same symptoms as the ones on my menopause list? I got so excited, I got an extra hot flash!

So I went on researching the subject. My brain is fried, my body is breaking down (still looks good, but apparently not for long (gaining serious weight in the near future)), but my intuition is still intact. There certainly is a connection and while it's hardly established scientifically (aging women are HOT; someone should start that clinical study!), I continue to wonder.

A living organism is a complex and a well-designed machine, where everything has created intricate connections. The question is: do I interfere? Or do I let my body figure out how to get back on track after taking a little break from this balance thingy? Do I put chemicals or herbs into it or do I trust that nature will find its way to make it work? (On a second thought, why would I trust nature if it came up with menopause!)

I am a pacifist by nature. All that war going on in my body is not agreeing with me from a political perspective as well as physical. I find myself so far out of my comfort zone. For the first time in my life I am officially a Babe in the Woods.



After the original posting, I continued to search the internet for clues on the subject of Thyroid and Menopause and came across this article: http://www.thyroid-info.com/articles/shamesmenopause.htm that you may find useful...