Pain in the Neck

Literally! It took 2 weeks and an inconceivable amount of drugs of varied strength to find peace. My new resolution: collect the containers of all pain relief pills that I will have consumed by mid-October 2011. I already have 1 empty container. This is some scary math and chemistry combined. Not only am I volunteering my liver to be tested by chemicals, whose names I cannot even pronounce, I am actually paying for it! Along with millions other women, I am literally fighting my body's present pain with my body's future pain. By the time my future pain comes, I am sure there will be a pill for that, too.
So why has my consumption of pain relievers increased drastically in the past couple of years? Yeah, that same reason, I don't have to invest in tampons. Interesting trade-off...
Even after starting to talk about menopause, we still keep quiet about PAIN as one of its side-effects. Joint pain, leg pain, headaches, breasts, cramps (just as with PMS but without the bleeding), muscle pain - these are not the pains of an old age - I am 45, not 65! These are the pains that are a big part of my hormonal awry-ness. Just as I was unaware of how painful it would be to nurse and have milk rushes, I was completely unprepared for these pains. (There might be a conspiracy of sorts behind the nursing issue).
So, of course, after visiting my local Walgreen's, armed with a bunch of pills, I go on the Internet in search of the light at the end of the tunnel. (And I mean it literally, as it gets eerily dark when my cramps strike.) Most sites try to sell you something. Of course, an horde of gullible, hormonally handicapped women open their wallets, desperate for any kind of relief. (I'll know exactly how much Walgreen's will have made from me by this time next year! I support the pharmaceutical industry, the not-FDA-cleared herbal industry and the local economy with my dollar. I am probably paying someone's salary! I feel like a CEO of my little pain world!)
The about 50 sites that claim to ease my pain that I reviewed (it's fascinating how much they rip off of each other), pretty much agree on a few simple principles:
Easy on caffeine;
Nothing exciting (like exercise or sex) before bed;
Keep the room temperature low (around 65F);
Easy on alcohol;
AND FINALLY:
10 herbal remedies OR Tylenol Night, depending on the site!

All in all, there are 34 symptoms of peri-menopause. I am proud to say that I have 33 of them. I am sure that the 34th - bleeding gum - will arrive shortly. I have a feeling that with this one, my last earthly pleasures of coffee and wine will be marred. I am not very happy about it, but apparently being perpetually unhappy is one of the 34 symptoms, so I am not worried.

On the bright site - the last pain reliever prescribed to me by this young neurologist was a strong muscle relaxant. Yeah Baby!